Excerpt from IN10SE

IN10SE describes his game.

credit: IN10SE

Windows to the Soul…

We’ve all heard it said that the eyes are the windows to the soul – We connect through the eyes, we can stir desire, arouse passion, and bring about a deep sense of closeness through eye contact. In fact, the first stage of connection is most often through our eyes. You can penetrate a lover’s body just as much with your eyes as you can with your body.

Here is my secret for arousing a lover with my eyes. Again this may be seen as magical thinking, but so much of being a sensual lover is what happens in the mind. I first connect with my eyes, usually my left eye with their left eye as we talk. Then I take on the most sensual thoughts of the two of us making the most passionate erotic connection – physically and mentally. Now verbally, we may just be talking about the weather, but my eyes and my voice are colored by a different intent. Remember this…

Your intent creates the underlying meaning of the interaction

Next, I focus in on taking in their very essence through my eyes – like a wisp of smoky energy that connects with me as a take a deep breath in as they’re looking at me.

Now can they pick up on this? Definitely – and not always on a conscious level. They may notice that you are especially seductive and attractive – that they find themselves wanting more of you – that they feel a deep connection with you as they look into your eyes.
The feeling and intent that you put behind your eyes as you look deep into theirs is what will draw them to you – even before you ever touch them

Touch is everything…

There is nothing like being touched the right way by a lover… touch has the power to entice, to build desire, to soothe, to calm, to tease… Touch has been shown to release chemicals in our brain that give us pleasure, make us feel good, make us want more.

But I’ve come across a secret that makes a definite difference in the way that touch is both given and received. There’s a difference between ordinary touch and “Sensual” touch.

The feeling that you put behind your touch is what makes it sensual

What I’m talking about here is the energy or put another way the “intent” behind your touch. You see, there is energy and intent behind every action that we take and everything we do in life – and touch is no different.

Just try an experiment here. You need to have a partner or friend who can give you some objective feedback. There are two parts to this experiment. First just touch their arm just like you would in any everyday situation – no particular emotion behind it.

Then, wait a little while – fill you mind with sensual thoughts of the two of you in bed (or wherever you want to be getting it on) – and imagine the two of you making the most passionate, sensual, erotic connection… now touch them.

Ask them if there was a difference in the way that you touched them or in the way that they experienced your touch. Now if they’re in tune with their own body and their own perceptions – you’ll find that there is indeed a definite difference. Even if it’s just perception alone – the perception of what’s behind the touch on an unconscious level, sets up the context for the touch. It’s almost as if the sensual intent behind the touch changes everything – as the touch is just a physical manifestation of a connection on a much deeper level. In fact, one secret of great lovers is to:

Create connection on the deeper mental levels and the physical level will follow – but even more powerful… lead the body and the MIND will follow

And what’s interesting is that you can touch people like this who you really don’t know that well, or who you may have an interest in – and you’ll find that the fires of desire are much more easily stirred within them. Yes, it may be magical thinking, but so much of being a sensual lover is – there is so much that is in the mind, which carries over into the way that you walk, talk, breathe and act.

Now in general there are two types of touch – light and heavy. But there’s more to it than just that.

Here’s another secret about touch.

Touch – like everything, tells a story.
And a good story has an introduction, middle, a building of tension, and a release and climax.

Let your touch be the same way.

I will start with light touching in places that are non-obtrusive. In places like the arms, hands… And that sets the premise.

As the premise is set, you move to the middle of the story where comfort builds and sexual tension starts. This sexual tension gradually builds and builds until it overwhelms the both of you and the climax of it brings you to the next level.

But this next level isn’t the same for everyone. Everyone has their own model for the way that their used to things happening sexually. For many, touch progresses to kissing, and kissing to sex. For others touch may lead directly to sex.

Developing sexual tension and progression of physical intimacy can be non-linear. Take what they give you and amplify it – whether it be touch, kissing, foreplay…
The secret here is:

Amplify what your partner gives you – because the climax of that will take you to the next level

And here’s another secret:

You can touch your lover using other parts of your body other than your hands in their more intimate places and it be not only permissible, but it can build the sexual tension.

Yes, you can touch parts of your lover’s body with parts of your body that you wouldn’t otherwise be able to touch with your hands right away. Because you aren’t touching them with your hands, some part of them may think that you aren’t touching in those places purposefully – and so it becomes permissible.

An example of this is when you meet someone out at a lounge or bar. If you’re a man, she may be sitting at the bar and turn to face you as you begin to talk. Light touching ensues. Touching places that are non-obtrusive like her arms, shoulders, outer thigh.
Then let’s say that you two really begin to hit it off and you want to escalate the physical tension – you may be sitting facing her with your legs entangled with hers… in other words, your leg in between hers. As you lean in and talk in her ear, your knee presses up against her in between her legs – and she presses herself into you.

If you’re a woman, you may unconsciously brush your breast up against a man who you feel attracted to.
What I’m saying here is that touch doesn’t just happen with the hands. You can escalate touch is ways that can go much further and create more tension by using other parts of your body to touch more intimate parts of your partners body.

Now that your touch has set a premise, let it become comfortable. Let your lover become comfortable with your touch and touching you.
Touching in places like the thighs, the shoulders – giving a shoulder massage are all ways that you can build comfort with touch.

Now that touch has become comfortable I begin moving the comfortable touch into places that are more sensitive. These places are places like the back of the neck, behind the ears, running fingers through the hair, lightly stroking the insides of the thighs, the insides of the arms, running fingers along the curve of the stomach…

These are places that are more sensitive because they have more nerve receptors. And a light sensual touch in these areas can really build up the desire and the sexual tension fast.

There comes a point where the sexual tension is so intense, that the transition to heavy touch in these same places becomes natural. Imagine with me now as you touch your lovers body with a heavy, passionate touch in these sensitive places – along the insides of their thighs, running your fingers along their stomach – and on down.

The transition to kissing or the next level is completely natural at this point.

Kiss Kiss Kiss Me…

What’s in a Kiss? Some would say that within the first 10 seconds of a kiss, they know if they are going to be with the other person for the long term or if it’s not going to work out.

Your kiss, like your touch – should tell a story as well. There is an introduction, a middle, a building of tension, and a climax.

Let your kiss tell a story

Now since everyone kisses differently, and likes different things in a kiss, how do you kiss in a way that will turn on your partner?

Here’s a secret.

They will kiss you in the same way that they want to be kissed.

Match them – that’s right… Match them.

If they kiss in a way that is light, just using their lips, sucking on your lips from time to time – while focusing mostly on the way that your bodies touch each other – then mirror exactly what they do to you. Kiss them in the way that they kiss you. Touch them the way that they touch you. That puts you in a place where kissing becomes not only comfortable, but where you can begin to build the passion and lead to a climax – the climax of kissing being taking it to the next level.
If they kiss you in a way that’s outright passionate, using wet kisses, sucking on your tongue and open mouthed – kissing down your neck and behind your ears, then do the same with them.

I will often use kissing in the same way that I use touching – moving from areas like the lips and neck, to places that are more intimate like the chest, the stomach, the inner thighs, and back up the stomach to the chest and lips again.

Remember, what makes a story amazing, and a lover amazing as well, is how the tension builds. Resist the desire to touch them or kiss them between their legs at this point. You are building the tension, because when you build tension in this way – the last thing you want to do is to release it. The climax of this stage will carry you to the next phase.

In fact another secret is:

The closer that you come to releasing the tension – while not actually doing it – the more you’ll build it

In fact, one of my favorite things to do is to use my mouth much like I would my touch – starting with light kisses in sensitive areas… and progressing to open mouthed, sucking kisses – moving along sensitive areas, like the neck, the back of the neck, the chest, stomach, and down to the insides of the thighs – moving up and down and up along the other side – skipping over the middle between the legs and moving up to the stomach, chest, neck and then lips again.

Nipple play…

Nipples are fascinating to watch and interact with. They are a temperature gauge, they contract and pull up erect when cold – and do the same when sexually excited.

They are tied in to our neurochemistry and cause the release of oxytocin in our brain when stimulated – this is the chemical that increases a sense of bonding which makes sense because a nursing mother can have amazing bonding with her infant during breastfeeding.

Oxytocin causes uterine contractions as well – which is why infants are put to the breast as soon as they are born so that the suckling on the mother’s nipples can cause the uterus to contract and thus help to stop any bleeding from childbirth.

And it’s these uterine contractions that can in fact make orgasms more intense. Some women can have orgasms from nipple play alone!

And the bonding effect of the oxytocin explains why women whose partners give them orgasms feel so much more connected to them. This is one of the secrets of amazing lovers.

Give your partner amazing orgasms and the connection will deepen between you and they’ll begin to love you even more

It’s biology after all. It’s how we’re hardwired and how nature intended things to be. In fact if they didn’t feel connected and attached to you before, amazing orgasms will cause them to start feeling this way. I would venture to say that the path to developing true attachment and connection between lovers is through touch and orgasm.

Again, nipple play is like telling a story. I’ll start of lightly teasing – touching with light fingers, running my four fingers over her nipples, letting it glide in and out of the spaces in between my fingers – then heavier touching as I cup her whole breast – in a full breast massage… and then kissing, at first light and then I move to open mouthed sucking, grasping the breast in my hand, moving up to kissing her mouth while holding her breast.

Then you can tease the nipple itself with your tongue. As you take it into your mouth and move your tongue around it – not only sucking it but teasing it with your tongue much like you would take a grape into your mouth and twirl your tongue around it without breaking it. That’s about the same amount of sucking pressure that you want to start off with and then go with the flow of what your partner gives you.

You may find that the intensity of your stimulation and the pace of your touching builds and increases as the desire and sexual tension builds.

One secret that good lover’s share is to:
Immerse yourself fully in the moment… Be a part of the sexual vibe, let it come to life… feel it, move with, let it move you

I come from a land down under…

Ah… the thrill of moving down below the waist. When the tension is at its peak and you and your lover are in the throes of passion. Kisses are hot and heavy – hands are moving fast and hard over each others bodies… you are pulling each other in… and this desire to be so close is overwhelming.

I’ve found that the transition to stimulating your lover below the waist is natural when you’ve done exactly as I’ve outlined before this.

You can begin by using your mouth, your fingers, or even other parts of your body as you grind into each other.

I’ll start with the grinding first. If you’re kissing on a couch, it’s only natural that as the passion builds, you lay your lover down as you move on top of them. They can then wrap their legs around you as you grind your hips together. If you’re a man and your lover has a skirt on, you can unbutton your pants and grind your erect penis into her through her underwear as you kiss her. If you’re a woman, you can move your body over a man’s… pulling him into you, opening your legs and wrapping them around him. Grinding is the culmination of a good make out.

If you use your fingers, you can run your fingers up and down her legs, increasing the pressure as the passion builds, and touch her through her underwear at first – beginning by rubbing her clitoris in a circular fashion and then as you slip your hand underneath her panties, slipping a finger deep inside – as you take her wetness in your fingers and spread it all around her labia.

I’ll get into the manual stimulation techniques a little later, but in general I like to use three fingers to massage a woman’s labia. I’ll put the pad of my middle finger on her clitoris and the other two fingers along the sides of her clitoris as a massage in a circular fashion.

The reason for this is because of anatomy. One secret that many people don’t know, including many Doctors, is that the clitoris is shaped like a three pronged fork. That’s right…

The tip of the middle prong sticks out when it is excited, and just like a man – it gets an erection. It becomes stiff and harder and the foreskin of the clitoris covers most of it, allowing only the tip to be exposed when you pull the foreskin back. From the tip, the clitoris extends upward anywhere from two to three centimeters and it meets at the base of the pubic mound. At this spot, it branches out on both sides like a three pronged fork, and follows down on both sides of a woman’s labia.

In fact you can give a woman a clitoral orgasm without even touching her “button” – essentially just by massaging the sides of her labia – and if you use your fingers to feel along the sides of her vagina along the top on either side of her clitoris, you’ll feel the firmness of her other clitoral prongs. The secret here is:

The Clitoris is shaped like a three pronged fork

Use three fingers to stimulate the entire clitoris – and use a woman’s natural wetness to make your touch more stimulating… If she isn’t wet, you’ve either gone too fast, or there is something wrong. Back up and get her stimulated mentally. In women who are post-menopausal, vaginal dryness may be common, so in these women be sure to use either your saliva or some other lubricant to massage them. One of the secrets to good clitoral massage is to:

Keep it Wet

Now transitioning to oral stimulation. I’ll go into specific techniques later on, but for now, I’ll just talk about transitioning to oral play. I’ll kiss a woman over her body – over her neck, breasts, and then down to her stomach… kissing with deep, open mouthed kisses, holding her hips in my hands as she opens her legs to let my body slip down in between them.

As I kiss her stomach, I’ll move down to the middle and pull her pants down slightly – exposing her pubic mound, and I’ll kiss that spot with deep, open mouthed kisses – taking her flesh into my mouth and sucking on it slightly. By this time a woman is usually grinding her hips and arching her hips upward to meet my mouth.
I’ll pull off her pants completely at this point and then spread her legs exposing her vagina fully to me. I’ll then move my mouth to the insides of her thighs, and suck on her flesh – taking it into my mouth and moving my tongue around it while inside my mouth. My hands are usually reaching upwards, moving along the sides of her hips – up her stomach and then grasping her breasts.

Remember, it’s all about building the tension and anticipation so after she can’t take any more, I’ll move my mouth up to the middle over her vagina and just blow on it.

Then I’ll take my tongue – and make it hard and pointy, pull her legs way back over her head and slip it deep inside of her… burying it deep inside her as I move it around. Then I’ll take may tongue and make it wide and soft – and slip it all the way up from her hole to the top where her clitoris is. And start to work on her clitoris.